Why would you build robots with Elixir? Because supervision trees are better at handling hardware failures than hope. Because message passing is what robots actually do. Because hot code reloading on a rover means you can fix bugs on Mars without a seven-month round trip. Beam Bots is a framework for robotics on the BEAM. This talk is your introduction: we'll explore why Elixir is a genuine fit for robotics, build a DSL for describing robot geometry and kinematics, and dig into how OTP patterns translate to real-time control. There will be robots. They will do things. It'll be good... hopefully.